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Teenage angst-a-ma-phone.
May. 14th, 2006 11:21 pmSo I realized right now that work makes me feel like crap. I don't even know why. I'm a fairly good worker (follows the rules, doesn't gossip, works pretty hard) and I get along with my co-workers and customers are pretty decent...
...but work makes me feel like such crap. That's the best way I can put it. When I woke up to open the store this morning, I just sat down on my bed and started crying. Ever since I got home, I've been just wanting to collapse and not do anything - school, family, anything.
And the job isn't bad or anything. The employer treats us pretty well, and my manager tries to take into consideration my school - she doesn't give me two shifts in a row during the week, and doesn't make me work past ten.
But work leaves me exhausted in every way. I use all my energy and happiness to make the customers as happy as possible. I use all my patience and control to just go with the flow, so that I don't panic when a freaking Greyhound bus drives up in front of our dinky sandwich stop. So that I don't panic when two people call in sick or just quit, and we were already understaffed as it were. So that I don't snap when a supervisor or colleague does something contradictory or irritating, or if I'm just cranky. I do my very best to make sure our owner makes money, because when they make money, everyone's doing well.
But when I finally leave, it just...it just kind of leaves everything else running on an empty tank. I don't even know how to describe it, because I love having a job, and considering all the horror stories I've heard, it's pretty good, especially since they hired a teenager with no experience.
In fact, there seems to be no direct cause - no one's being rude or mean, or causing me direct hurt or stress, but just working an eight hour shift from seven in the morning leaves me...crying and tired and not wanting to face anything.
I wonder if this is what the rest of life will be like. I don't mean that in a bitter or apathetic way. Do all jobs leave you like this? Or will the difference between a job and a career really make a difference? I want to know so I can prepare myself, because I can't keep going on like this. I need to find an alternative source of energy or something, because this just leaves me miserable and leaning towards old habits, and that is the suckiest of suck.
I slept for four hours today after work, and I'm still exhausted. I don't even understand why.
Well, I'm so becoming a doctor.
...but work makes me feel like such crap. That's the best way I can put it. When I woke up to open the store this morning, I just sat down on my bed and started crying. Ever since I got home, I've been just wanting to collapse and not do anything - school, family, anything.
And the job isn't bad or anything. The employer treats us pretty well, and my manager tries to take into consideration my school - she doesn't give me two shifts in a row during the week, and doesn't make me work past ten.
But work leaves me exhausted in every way. I use all my energy and happiness to make the customers as happy as possible. I use all my patience and control to just go with the flow, so that I don't panic when a freaking Greyhound bus drives up in front of our dinky sandwich stop. So that I don't panic when two people call in sick or just quit, and we were already understaffed as it were. So that I don't snap when a supervisor or colleague does something contradictory or irritating, or if I'm just cranky. I do my very best to make sure our owner makes money, because when they make money, everyone's doing well.
But when I finally leave, it just...it just kind of leaves everything else running on an empty tank. I don't even know how to describe it, because I love having a job, and considering all the horror stories I've heard, it's pretty good, especially since they hired a teenager with no experience.
In fact, there seems to be no direct cause - no one's being rude or mean, or causing me direct hurt or stress, but just working an eight hour shift from seven in the morning leaves me...crying and tired and not wanting to face anything.
I wonder if this is what the rest of life will be like. I don't mean that in a bitter or apathetic way. Do all jobs leave you like this? Or will the difference between a job and a career really make a difference? I want to know so I can prepare myself, because I can't keep going on like this. I need to find an alternative source of energy or something, because this just leaves me miserable and leaning towards old habits, and that is the suckiest of suck.
I slept for four hours today after work, and I'm still exhausted. I don't even understand why.
Well, I'm so becoming a doctor.
