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I just played solitaire for about an hour, and scored over 10 000 points about 20 times.

I really should be doing math review.

Speaking of reviews, I had some of Steaz Green Tea Cola, and it's not at all as good as I thought it'd be! It tastes like cola/ginger ale. Where's my green tea?! On a better note, I also had Tao Ti; Green Tea with apple flavouring, and it was LOVELY. I'm going to bring one with me onto the *plane because it's not too sweet and lightly flavoured and yummy.

*Note: Yes, you can now bring liquids onto the plane, as long as they can fit into a freezer bag or sommit like that.

I get to sleep in tomorrow. Hurrah!
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So I've been talking about it for a while, but now I'm finally doing it! I'm going to list my many crazy. (Yes, I meant it like that. You'd understand if you had this many crazy...well, you probably do.)

Annnnnd, that's all I can think of, for the moment.

pookykabuki: (bleach; ichigoxrenji)
I'm sitting at a brand new Ikea desk in my room with so many little places to organize and a built-in whiteboard...I CAN DOODLE ON MY DESK.

Oh, and there's a computer on it.

There's now a computer.

In my room.

With internet.


Why, yes, there's sound!



BitComet, you are SO getting exercised!

Love, Robin
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It's been one year, baby.

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I think every woman has a little girl with little-girl issues with their father. Every girl! I'm sure of it. 

Anyway, I guess that was a completely useless piece of journal. Have a lovely day, whoever has read this!
pookykabuki: (Default)

General Christmas Summary:

Very happy.


pookykabuki: (Default)

Nikki's post of her barrista rant inspired me to do a Subway rant! Things a Subway girl does not like people doing!

I think that's all there is. I feel better already. :)

pookykabuki: (Default)
I just wanted to post a wish-list of anime DVD's. I keep losing track of what I want!

So here it is.

-Haibane Renmei
-Fushigi Yuugi (Shush!)
-RahXephon (The rest after volume 1)
-Gundam Wing AC (Shush!)
-Sol Bianca
-Blue Submarine No.6 (the movie, I think)
-Blame (manga)
-Azumanga Daioh
-Elfen Lied - really violent, and apparently near-guro, but the first few episodes were intriguing. As in violent. I'm okay with that.
-Dirty Pair Flash
-Record of Lodoss War (both the first and second)
-Neon Genesis Evangelion: Angelic Days (manga)
-Fruits Basket (manga - my heart aches thinking of the DVD's)
-Generator Gawl
-Interstella 5555
-Kiddy Grade
-Legend of Crystania
-Queen Emeraldas
-My Beautiful Girl Mari
-Perfect Blue
-Princess Nine
-Revolutionary Girl Utena
(Jesus Christ, this list got long...but I'm not done yet.)
-Rurouni Kenshin
-Sakura Wars
-Samurai Champloo
-Sorcerer Hunters
-The Place Promised in Our Early Days
-Vision of Escaflowne
-Witch Hunter Robin (I'm iffy on this, I think)

On a seperate note, my mom said 'manga' the other day, completely unprodded by me. 

"When I went down to the states today, they had this bookstore, and it had TWO full shelves of manga, all the way up to the ceiling! You'd love it."

I was so proud of her. <3

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This next chapter of my fanfic is coming out of me as easily as a brick. DAMN. I feel bad for my few readers - I can tell they're already thinking I'll abandon the story, like so many do. Turns out I just have to read the same line over and over, and bam! The plot of two different sections will connect!

Anway, it's three-quarters finished, and I'm liking it. Finally, some more characters to work with! Yeesh.

Anyway, off to bed. 

pookykabuki: (Morita: Spin~)
Three Days Grace-boy is chubby and his bangs are greasier than mine after a few days of not showering. Sounds like my kinda guy!

Convection currents are allowing me to drink my London Fog. Hot rises, cools down, I sip, and it repeats. Or something like that.

 :  D
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Shiloh Pitt?   
Oh, Pile o Shit!

No, no, I think the baby is -very- cute. But as Tai Chi and Chai Tea are alike, so is Shiloh Pitt and Pile o' Shit.


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So someone reminded me that if I sign up for this thing, I should update it.

It's sunny and I'm going to go for a run soon. I know that [profile] geekwriter143 doesn't think 31 Celsius is hot, but daaaamn does walking in it suck. 

As of right now, I have my feet in a bucket of cold water. If my feet get hot, I feel hot all over. Thus, I must cool the feet. 

Tomorrow, I am going to my art teacher's house, as she is retiring and will miss us all, and despite my many moments of frustration and conflict with her, I will miss her (and art class, damn require courses!) so it will be enjoyable.

Here's MY summer to-do list.

-FINISH Socials 10 correspondence. I have procrastinated for a whole year, and now the deadline is coming up in two months. I'll update in a few days with my schedule.
-Read Macbeth and do the work. Due before July 15 (efff...) 
-Read 1984 and send in the work as well (August 15 effff...)
-Continue the exercise that my awesome gym teacher finally got me to enjoy (he's leaving too, what?) but more specifically, I want to workout with papercrown, who I don't hang out with enough EVER, and she'd motivate me (rail-thin chicky with perfect English and cheekbones of doom? Heck yes!)
-Get a better bod (I want to shop at normal stores again, /grumblegrumble)
-Increase work hours so that it'll balance out with the month I'm taking off. I want to make about $800-$1000 this month...so that means 100-125 hours. That's 25-32 hours a week. That's four eight hour shifts a week...I can SO do that! YES!

Alright, this list will probably be added to, but that's the core of it right there. 
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So, I can be nicer. I really can. That's something I can change, and something that should be changed - I can stop with the crude insults or the overly-truthful nitpicking or the snaps.

I can be patient, and let things go.

But, I cannot change the way I am now. Well, I could, but I don't -want- to. 

I worked hard to be who I am now. I had to change the old me, because something was wrong then. Whether it was the people I hung out with or the mindset I had or what I did in my spare time, something was wrong, and I realized at a low point that it had to change. So I started doing the things I knew would help. I started scolding myself for ideas that weren't right, and I started taking an honest look at myself and evaluating.

It took a while, and there were a lot of setbacks and a lot of moments where I wondered if I was doing the right thing; was misery a defining point in a person? If I wasn't unhappy, then was I mindless and boring?

I know I'm not mindless. Maybe I'm boring for some, but the change that came means I don't care. The people who think I'm boring aren't going to get the opportunities I know I will get if I keep on this track.

I am happy with how I look. I could prance naked. I could be on TV. I really do like myself. I'm happy to let everyone know I like anime, video games, and science. I like fanfiction and boys kissing in fanfiction. I like drawing naked women. I like reading online comics. I enjoy eating. I really like school, and doing well in school, and doing science and going to science camp and doing optional math tests.

I am so happy.

 I am proud of what I have achieved, and what I continue to achieve, because it comes not by luck or by chance; I work to receive the good stuff in my life. And if I screw up, that too is not luck or chance or anyone's fault other than my own. I know that too. Which means that I can now face my mistakes and work to change them, because being a different person than I was doesn't mean I won't make mistakes. 

With my new motivating towards having a good life, and being self-sustainable, I know that I will have to work equally hard to make up for mistakes or negative parts of my personality.

This means an end to 'poor'-jokes. They weren't right, especially in retaliation. This means an end to asian-jokes (unless they're not that mean - asians WILL take over the world, eventually.) This means not laughing hysterically at my own jokes - but I will still laugh a little bit, because I'm not embarassed when I know I'm not the funniest. This means not bugging others about choices in their life, or their behaviours even if I can't wrap my mind around the 'why'. This means I'll have to learn the line between pride for due achievement and a bloated ego - when it is appropriate and when it is not.

So I'm still making changes. I'll be making changes for the rest of my life. I won't ever stop making mistakes - but I will do my best to remember in the future why they were mistakes. Friends don't come by easily, and if I'm pretty sure I've done you wrong, then I will work on it more than anyone will ever think.

But if even with these efforts to modify my behaviour, or worse yet, with the rejection of the mere idea, if it is still truly thought that I was a better person when I was unhappy and insecure and on the verge of destroying my future, then that person is no friend of mine. No grudges or complaints, but surely regret, that will be the conclusion.

I know that in the end, the only person I am responsible for is myself. I do what is best for myself and my well-being. Does that mean that people don't matter to me, or their ideas and opinions? Does it mean that I don't doubt myself? No. But it does mean that I weigh the effect of someone or something on myself, and if it is not worth the worry and distress that comes about, then I do not spend the time on it. Many people and things are important to me; for these, I have weighed those as completely worthy of time and effort.

I'm sure that in the future, things will change more, and I will make mistakes and screw up and spend nights crying, wondering "How could I do that?" but for now, this is how I am and how I feel. I know my worth, and I will not be ashamed of it. 
pookykabuki: (Default)


(Yes, it -is- worthy of exaggerated use of exclamation marks.)

That's about it for me. CSI has managed to rock me again, though part of it has to do with Grissom's hat. G's Hat/Hawaiian shirt = OTP.

Well, toodle-oo, my few readers, and have a good day.
pookykabuki: (Default)
So I realized right now that work makes me feel like crap. I don't even know why. I'm a fairly good worker (follows the rules, doesn't gossip, works pretty hard) and I get along with my co-workers and customers are pretty decent...

...but work makes me feel like such crap. That's the best way I can put it. When I woke up to open the store this morning, I just sat down on my bed and started crying. Ever since I got home, I've been just wanting to collapse and not do anything - school, family, anything. 

And the job isn't bad or anything. The employer treats us pretty well, and my manager tries to take into consideration my school - she doesn't give me two shifts in a row during the week, and doesn't make me work past ten.

But work leaves me exhausted in every way. I use all my energy and happiness to make the customers as happy as possible. I use all my patience and control to just go with the flow, so that I don't panic when a freaking Greyhound bus drives up in front of our dinky sandwich stop. So that I don't panic when two people call in sick or just quit, and we were already understaffed as it were. So that I don't snap when a supervisor or colleague does something contradictory or irritating, or if I'm just cranky. I do my very best to make sure our owner makes money, because when they make money, everyone's doing well.

But when I finally leave, it just...it just kind of leaves everything else running on an empty tank. I don't even know how to describe it, because I love having a job, and considering all the horror stories I've heard, it's pretty good, especially since they hired a teenager with no experience.

In fact, there seems to be no direct cause - no one's being rude or mean, or causing me direct hurt or stress, but just working an eight hour shift from seven in the morning leaves me...crying and tired and not wanting to face anything.

I wonder if this is what the rest of life will be like. I don't mean that in a bitter or apathetic way. Do all jobs leave you like this? Or will the difference between a job and a career really make a difference? I want to know so I can prepare myself, because I can't keep going on like this. I need to find an alternative source of energy or something, because this just leaves me miserable and leaning towards old habits, and that is the suckiest of suck.

I slept for four  hours today after work, and I'm still exhausted. I don't even understand why. 

Well, I'm so becoming a doctor.
pookykabuki: (bleach; ichigoxrenji)
Stolen from [profile] geekwriter143

How many times has someone on your friends list posted about something and you were really confused, but you didn't want to ask because you knew you SHOULD know? How many times have you felt guilty asking a close LJ friend a question that should be obvious?

Well, here's your chance.

If you've missed a few things, missed an entry and are confused, ask me any thing. Even something EXTREMELY basic, like where I live! I'm not allowed to get even slightly irritated at any of the questions - we've all missed things before.

Have fun~
pookykabuki: (Default)
01. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me." 
02. I will respond by asking you five questions of a very intimate and creepily personal nature. Or not so creepy/personal. 
03. You WILL update your LJ with the answers to the questions. 
04. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post. 
05. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. 
So those are my five questions. 

PS: I'm so happy geekwriter143 actually replied. I was so sure she wouldn't, because she has so many people who comment her, but she did, and asked me the five questions! I did my "a celebrity talked to me!" dance.


Apr. 17th, 2006 09:47 pm
pookykabuki: (Default)

Best best.


No, really. BEST. EVER.

So good! (But better than soy milk.)
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